I’m not dwelling on the past, just using this to vent things I need to get over.
I made a really stupid decision August 2011. I was friends with a guy I had met online a few years before and we had gotten pretty close. I was finally able to visit him. It was only going to be for a weekend and I was going to go back home on the Monday but I ended up moving in with him instead. He lives in a small town I had never even heard of before. I was fully aware that he had some issues but I stupidly assumed I could “fix” him.
The relationship didn’t start too healthy now that I think about it. He drank alot and I was at that point as well. He was always angry when he was drunk. He’d start out fine but then keep drinking and then the anger would come out. The first few months, he’d call me by his ex-girlfriend’s name and make up issues that weren’t even happening. He threw me into the bathtub when I tried to help him stand up so he could go to bed. The next day, he would always forget what he had done the night before.
Over the months we were together, his drinking escalated. He also started doing coke. I’ll admit, I did as well but not as often as he did. I felt like I had a problem so I talked to my psychiatrist about it and started seeing an addictions counselor. It was hard to quit drinking when he constantly had alcohol in the house.
Our arguments were more frequent as well. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. He was always angry with me. He stopped showing affection towards me and we were sleeping separate as well. When he was drunk, his anger was explosive. He’d get online and argue with his friends for no reason and I would try to calm him down which resulted in that anger being turned on me. He’d throw tables over onto their sides, breaking glasses and whatever else was on top of them. He threw mugs and glasses as me, just barely missing my head. He punched holes in the walls and broke things. It would get pretty scary and I’d end up locking myself in the bathroom to try and protect myself. I waited in there until things quieted down, which means he wore himself out and passed out. Then I’d be left to clean up broken glass, blood, and whatever else was all over the place.
I hid alcohol on him a few times and quickly learned that that was a big mistake as it usually resulted in him kicking me out.
I couldn’t trust him to be by himself. I would sometimes go back to London to visit friends and within an hour of me being gone, he’d text me drunk as hell saying he had hurt himself in some way. And during my visit with friends, he would fabricate problems and try anything he could to argue with me so he could break up with me. Then he’d call me when he sobered up and apologize and I was stupid enough to accept the apology and go home to him.
He ended up alienating me from friends and family. I was back into hurting myself and ended up going off my meds. The fact that he wouldn’t even hug me anymore drove me crazy and hurt. I tried leaving twice but ended up back with him.
He went back to working overnight shifts and the stress caused him to drink even more than before. I was starting to think about leaving for good. I had friends helping me decide what to do. But when it came time for me to leave, I really had no where to go. Something at work pissed him off. So he came home at 8am as usual and starting drinking. Just beer at first. I went out with his mom that day for a few hours, begged him not to go out and get more alcohol while I was out. But he did. I got home and he was trashed and the music was blaring. He was angry again. He was on Facebook arguing with someone. I couldn’t get him to calm down so I just sat quietly on the couch and then made us dinner. Which he didn’t eat because he was drunk. He got even more alcohol. The argument he was having with the guy from work was still pissing him off. I told him I loved him and he just flipped out. He punched a huge hole in the wall. He was screaming. Then he took his phone and threw it at my head, it hit me in the forehead. I was going to hang out with a friend that night so I texted him and waited quietly until I could go meet up with him. I had to get out of there.
I didn’t go home that night but the next day and only to pack my things. My friend from Burlington came to pick me up and I stayed with them for a few months.
I left him on November 25th 2013. Up until April 2014 he still harassed me. At first he was just trying to get me to come back. Then he seemed to understand why I wasn’t going to. He wanted to be friends, which I did try and do. We talked on the phone and had each other on Facebook again. But then he found out I was seeing someone. And he flipped. He started posting private photos and threatening to sell them and videos to people. He was cyberstalking me and harassing me on every site I go on. I had no choice but to call the police. They wanted to know why he flipped out like that so I told them everything, including the violent behaviour when we were together. In October of this year, he got charged with 2 counts of assault, 2 of assault with a weapon, 2 of criminal harassment. He’s not allowed to contact me in any way.
He’s still cyberstalking me….but I can’t do anything unless he says something to me.
After the past abusive relationships I was in, I was hoping things with him would’ve been different. But I guess I just made the same damn mistake I always do. But I’ve learned my lesson.
I’m getting over it and learning to trust people again. The flinching has stopped. I’m not as timid as I was when I first met my fiance. He says I’ve made a lot of progress. I’m happy now. I’m sober and have been since April. I’m having a baby. I moved on with my life. Tim is a great guy, he’s never shown any sign of aggression and has been through some awful shit as well. We’re very honest with each other and this is the first time I have been in a relationship with someone I’m not afraid of. I guess what I needed to do was realize that I don’t deserve to be treated the way people have treated me in the past. And because I had such bad self-esteem and really hated myself before, I ended up in bad situations over and over.